Trusting God in the Void

     

     Void

 

     Yesterday, after over nine years in school, I completed my last course requirement for my Master’s Degree.  For over nine years I juggled (though not always successfully) kids, work, cleaning, etc. And now that I am finished, I feel a bit strange.  I suppose that this is because there is now a question mark where there once was a plan in place.

     And though most of my previous classmates (as discussion posts point out) are already full into their careers, or are about to start one, I am kind of in limbo. While I do know that God has called me to a specific place but have no specifics I do believe that God has given me my next step. So after nine years of schooling, I will spend this next season soaking in the time with my grandson and getting closer to God.

     Though I am not going to lie, this season is not what I envisioned. I always thought that at the end of all of my schooling there would be a big shiny door open for me.

     I imagine that Ittai the Gittite felt, if only for a second, a bit like I am feeling,

     You see, Ittai was a guy that had dreams, big dreams. He wanted to work for the King. Yet, He no doubt had (as there usually are) plenty of neigh sayers. I would imagine that he heard things like, “What? You, working for a king?” “But you are a foreigner!”  “Why would you dream such a thing?”

     But against all odds ole Ittai the Gittite got the job and traveled far away. No easy task in those days. He then started his brand-new job, only to find that it looked nothing like he imagined it to be.

     For only one day after his arrival his boss, King David (along with his staff) had to flee for his life.  We see this in 2 Samuel 15:19–21.

 “Then the king said to Ittai the Gittite, “Why do you also go with us? Go back and stay with the king, for you are a foreigner and also an exile from your home. You came only yesterday, and shall I today make you wander about with us, since I go I know not where? Go back and take your brothers with you, and may the Lord show steadfast love and faithfulness to you.”

     He just got there, and his plans have turned to dust. He could have done as suggested and went home, the day after he came. It would have been easier, and for sure safer. But look how he responds;

But Ittai answered the king, “As the Lord lives, and as my lord, the king lives, wherever my lord the king shall be, whether for death or for life, there also will your servant be.”

Forget Mike, I want to be like Ittai!

     He knew what was important. It was not about his dream! It was about his king!

     Yes, my plans are not as I have imagined. Yes, I, like Ittai, have no idea what is coming next, but, like him, I do have a Boss. I do have a King that I will stick to. For,  “wherever my lord [my] king shall be, whether for death or for life!”

     As with a lot of Biblical people this could have been all there was to say about Ittai And frankly, for me, it would have been enough. But God was not done with Ittia. For in the very battle that would but David back on the thrown we see that even though it may not have looked like it, God had a plan after all.

     “And David sent out the army, one third under the command of Joab, one third under the command of Abishai the son of Zeruiah, Joab’s brother, and one third under the command of Ittai the Gittite.”” (2 Samuel 18:2, ESV)

     I do not know all that you are facing today, maybe it is a job loss, or the loss of a loved one, maybe it is a financial problem or maybe, like me, you have graduated with no real doors for your future opening up. You may be feeling a deep void in your life and may not even know why.  If so the best thing that you can do it be like Ittai, stick close to God and He will open the right door for you when it is the right time.

     Know that I am praying for all who read this post.

lens

      When I was pregnant with my last child something happened to my face. I am not sure why my face chose to betray me, but the truth was that I looked bad. huge bumps all over my face. It was so bad that children would literally ask me questions like “why is your face so ugly?” It was so bad that when I went to an eye doctor they doctor would not allow me to rest my chin on the chin rest and even told me not to touch her equipment with my face. She even lectured me about allowing my face to get like that.
     Though my medical doctor was never able to figure out what caused it, he said that he knew it had nothing to do with what I was eating or how I was cleaning my face. He knew it was something biological. Something in me that I was not aware of and had no control over caused the outward manifestation.
     Though the way that people treated me during that time should have caused me to look back on this season with sadness, instead I look on it with joy.

     Why?
     Because my husband, a man of few words never noticed the change in my appearance. Ok, Scratch that. I am sure that he noticed, he wasn’t physically blind.
But his love for me caused him to react as if he never saw any imperfections. It filled me with such joy that he still looked deep into my eyes and called me beautiful. He still hugged me tight and told me he loved me, and he never ever flinched when he looked at me. This amazed me because it was something that I would do myself when I looked in the mirror.
     Why did he treat me this way?
     I am sure that it had to do something with the fact that the love he had for me caused him to look at me differently. He did not see my imperfections but saw the real me.
     This is how God views us.
     Though we may see nothing but our past imperfections when we look in the mirror, though out guilt may cause us to think of ourselves as ugly (inside and out), or maybe people in the world treat us as if we are, without us even knowing why. Yet God does not see us that way. He looks at us through lenses of love.
     Though our past may cause us to want to hang our head, God is the lifter of our heads.(Psalm 3:3).
     If you are struggling with looking in the mirror, because of any reason, feel the nudge of Gods hand under your chin.
     Feel him raise up your chin until your eyes meet his.
     Hear these word from him:

  You are beautiful!

You are the apple of my eye!

Do not hold on to the past, let it go!

Know that your best days are ahead!

You ARE the apple of my eye!

I Love you!