As I am going through this season of testing, one of the things that happened to me is I soon became unable to think clearly. Everything was on my mind all of the time.
My ability to trust God, left me as I tried to figure out how it would all work out.
And then I had a friend who (bless her) prayed against confused thinking.
I didn’t notice for about 20 minutes but I was able to be positive again and think clearly….it was wonderful!!
I believe that the enemy comes against our thinking because if we can’t think straight we cant do all that God is calling us to do.
I was reminded that I need to
destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God,
and take every thought captive to obey Christ.
– 2 Corinthians 10:5
If you are struggling to think straight, know that you are under attack. I encourage you to pray with me.
I come to you and ask for you to give me clear thinking.
Help me to separate the truth of what you are calling me to do from the lies of the enemy.
Do not allow the enemy to cloud my thinking.
Help me to stay close to you and to easily recognize your voice.
Cast all negative thinking from me, as I know it is not from you.
Help we to remember to examine my thinking often, so as to be able to cast any away that not of you.
In the name of Jesus Christ I pray. Amen
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Do You remember me? The Apple of Your eye?
Or at least that is what I thought I was…once upon a time.
It does not seem that long ago when my footing was sure and steady
When I felt closer to You than my own breath.
But now I live in a “time of testing”
At least that is what I hope it is
And my footing does not feel so sure anymore
And You feel farther than the farthest star
Worn and battle-scared, my biggest wounds
Are those that I inflict upon myself
The worry comes as hard and fast as the questions
What will become of me and mine?
Why is this happening?
What have I done to deserve this?
Your back is all I see
And Your silence is all I hear
I wonder when did I turn from the apple of Your eye
To the child who slipped in the back door unwanted and ignored
And then I remember
This is not about me
That is doesn’t matter how I feel
Because this about what I know
So while i feel as if my worst fears will become a reality
I know that You have always been faithful to save
While feel as if just my back will break from the pressure
I know that You will not give me more than I can handle without You
While I feel so very very alone
I know that You will never leave me
While I feel as if You have brought me all this way for nothing
I know that You are faithful to complete what You started
So I will keep fight this Battle of the Mind
In Your name I will charge that hill
I love You so very much
Father, Savior, Friend
I know that these chains will soon fall off and
Things will be restored and made right
And You will free me to go and help others
who might have forgotten or never knew
That they, are loved, and treasured,
that You long to make them whole
That You made a way for them to come to You
Through Your Son Jesus
That is does not matter what they have done
or how they feel, You love them
That they, like me, always will be
The apple of you eye
Thank you Father for loving me
Signed your Beloved Daughter
Every day I wrestle with the voices
That keep telling me I’m not right
But that’s alright
‘Cause I hear a voice and He calls me redeemed
When others say I’ll never be enough
And greater is the One living inside of me
Than he who is living in the world
I am learning to run freely
Understanding just how He sees me
And it makes me love Him more and more
He’s greater, He’s greater
Lyrics from “Greater” by MercyMe
I have been struggling lately.
God asked me to step off the boat and follow Him.
In the beginning it was easy. I kept my eyes on Jesus, jumped out of the boat with Joy and delight and hopped and skipped with glee on my way to meet Him.
But somehow, the farther from shore I got, the harder it got for me to skip and jump.
I soon slowed to a walk because, though, I was getting closer to Jesus I was getting farther from the land that “seemed” to be so solid and dependable.
The farther out I got not only did I start to look around me and realize that the water was unsure, the water was not solid, but I started looking inward and thought that I looked to be the ultimate fool to be standing on it.
The multiple rejections I faced made me question myself.
“Who are you to believe that God would use you that way?” I asked myself.
“Look at you. You are not rich or smart, married, the mother of perfect children, or even skinny. Your have not led a charmed life, only people who do get to be in the frontlines for God.”
My walk turned to a crawl as I focused less and less on Jesus and more and more on myself.
The more I allowed myself to sink in the mire of self-doubt, and self –pity, the more that my I started to sink into the water I should have been dancing on.
Finally when I was in over my head, I turned to Jesus and He pulled me out.
He showed me that yes, I have been rejected, but no more than He.
That yes I have been bruised and battered, but no more than He.
That though the world may forsake me that He was with me and that was enough.
I talked with some friends yesterday who helped me to remember that there is a purpose in all of this.
That there are others experiencing so much more pain and brokenness.
People who need to hear His voice, feel His love, and experience the healing only He can bring.
I know that all of this has been for a reason. God has a purpose in this.
I Love God with all of my Heart, and I will continue to keep my eyes on him and allow him to lead me to scary places because I realized that nothing, and I mean nothing, is as solid and sure as He is.
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I am just beginning to realize that having faith in God is not about waiting for Him to do the next great thing in my life, but in knowing that whatever He does in my life will be the Best thing!
Everything is falling apart.
Nothing is working out like I thought it would.
I thought that by now I would not only have received word that I was to go to England, but also that my kids would all have everything set in stone as well.
None of that is the case.
I am tired, worn to the core.
Yet I hold on to hope.
It may be false hope and I may look the fool.
But I believe that God called me here.
I believe that even though it is dark now, so very dark, that at just the right moment, at His appointed time,
God will shine His light.
And even if things don’t work out as I thought they would God will open a new path.
While I believe that God is under no obligation to do anything for me, or explain anything to me, I believe that because He loves us each in a personal way.
I believe that God is not like some dictator type parent who barks orders and expects us to never think but always act.
This is not the God that I have always know.
I have know a God who deeply loves me.
I have known a father, that didn’t not judge me by my past but who saw me in light of my future,
I have known a Father who had time after time declared His love for me through His word, through a song, or through one of the million “coincidences” that have happened to me since I have believed.
God is not a God of disorder (14:33) and he would not ask me to trust Him and then forget all about me, or ignore me.
He has a plan and because He is good, He plans are always good.
Jeremiah 29:11 tells me that
I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.
So while right now it LOOKS like God has abandoned me, that my future is about as bright as a mining shaft, I am holding and and waiting in Hope. He has never let me down yet and I know that He will make a way.
And at just the rght moment, though it is dark, though it is cold and wet and the rain is pouring down.
He ill turn on the light, and lead the way home.
Because He loves me!
He love you too!!
Hold on to hope!!!
Hold on to Jesus!!
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I realize that I haven’t done everything right, i realize that I have wasted time trying to do it my own way.
All you have ever wanted from me is my trust, and yet I struggle.
I think about the people that have let me down, and I have projected those fears on you.
As a result I have a hard time believing that You forever have the best of intentions for me.
That I can trust You fully and completely to lead and guide me.
But when I think of how loving, kind, and merciful that you have been to me, I cannot help but want to be one who walks closely with you, fully trusting you to lead me where You want me to be.
So change my heart God, make me into the fiercely loyal child that you want me to be.
Remind me that this life is not my own.
Help me to daily follow your lead, as I daily choose to lay it all down at the foot of the Cross.
I make a choice to trust you fully for my future,
And the future of those I love.
I lay all of my fears, worries, struggles, and doubts down.
And I say with all my heart
You lead, Ill follow.
In Jesus Name I pray.