Every day I wrestle with the voices

That keep telling me I’m not right

But that’s alright

‘Cause I hear a voice and He calls me redeemed

When others say I’ll never be enough

And greater is the One living inside of me

Than he who is living in the world

I am learning to run freely

Understanding just how He sees me

And it makes me love Him more and more

He’s greater, He’s greater

 Lyrics from “Greater” by MercyMe

I have been struggling lately.

God asked me to step off the boat and follow Him.

In the beginning it was easy. I kept my eyes on Jesus, jumped out of the boat with Joy and delight and hopped and skipped with glee on my way to meet Him.

But somehow, the farther from shore I got, the harder it got for me to skip and jump.

I soon slowed to a walk because, though, I was getting closer to Jesus I was getting farther from the land that “seemed” to be so solid and dependable.

The farther out I got not only did I start to look around me  and realize that the water was unsure, the water was not solid, but I started looking inward and thought that I looked to be the ultimate fool to be standing on it.

The multiple rejections I faced made  me  question myself.

“Who are you to believe that God would use you that way?” I asked myself.

“Look at you. You are not rich or smart, married, the mother of perfect children, or even skinny. Your have not led a charmed life, only people who do get to be in the frontlines for God.”

My walk turned to a crawl as I focused less and less on Jesus and more and more on myself.

The more I allowed myself to sink in the mire of self-doubt, and self –pity, the more that my I started to sink into the water I should have been dancing on.

Finally when I was in over my head, I turned to Jesus and He pulled me out.

He showed me that yes, I have been rejected, but no more than He.

That yes I have been bruised and battered, but no more than He.

That though the world may forsake me that He was with me and that was enough.

I talked with some friends yesterday who helped me to remember that there is a purpose in all of this.

That there are others experiencing so much more pain and brokenness.

People who need to hear His voice, feel His love, and experience the healing only He can bring.

I know that all of this has been for a reason. God has a purpose in this.

I Love God with all of my Heart, and I will continue to keep my eyes on him and allow him to lead me to scary places because I realized that nothing, and I mean nothing, is as solid and sure as He is.

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