When I fix my eyes on all that You are
Then every doubt I feel
Deep in my heart
Grows strangely dim
All my worries fade
And fall to the ground
Cause when I seek Your face
And don’t look around
Any place I’m in
Grows strangely dim
I don’t know I don’t know
What tomorrow may hold
But I know, but I know
That You’re holding it all
Every day I wrestle with the voices
That keep telling me I’m not right
But that’s alright
‘Cause I hear a voice and He calls me redeemed
When others say I’ll never be enough
And greater is the One living inside of me
Than he who is living in the world
I am learning to run freely
Understanding just how He sees me
And it makes me love Him more and more
He’s greater, He’s greater
Lyrics from “Greater” by MercyMe
I have been struggling lately.
God asked me to step off the boat and follow Him.
In the beginning it was easy. I kept my eyes on Jesus, jumped out of the boat with Joy and delight and hopped and skipped with glee on my way to meet Him.
But somehow, the farther from shore I got, the harder it got for me to skip and jump.
I soon slowed to a walk because, though, I was getting closer to Jesus I was getting farther from the land that “seemed” to be so solid and dependable.
The farther out I got not only did I start to look around me and realize that the water was unsure, the water was not solid, but I started looking inward and thought that I looked to be the ultimate fool to be standing on it.
The multiple rejections I faced made me question myself.
“Who are you to believe that God would use you that way?” I asked myself.
“Look at you. You are not rich or smart, married, the mother of perfect children, or even skinny. Your have not led a charmed life, only people who do get to be in the frontlines for God.”
My walk turned to a crawl as I focused less and less on Jesus and more and more on myself.
The more I allowed myself to sink in the mire of self-doubt, and self –pity, the more that my I started to sink into the water I should have been dancing on.
Finally when I was in over my head, I turned to Jesus and He pulled me out.
He showed me that yes, I have been rejected, but no more than He.
That yes I have been bruised and battered, but no more than He.
That though the world may forsake me that He was with me and that was enough.
I talked with some friends yesterday who helped me to remember that there is a purpose in all of this.
That there are others experiencing so much more pain and brokenness.
People who need to hear His voice, feel His love, and experience the healing only He can bring.
I know that all of this has been for a reason. God has a purpose in this.
I Love God with all of my Heart, and I will continue to keep my eyes on him and allow him to lead me to scary places because I realized that nothing, and I mean nothing, is as solid and sure as He is.
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When things get hard, and God is silent it is easy (oh so easy) to whine and complain. But that never got anyone anywhere with God.
I am in a season when the pressure is mounting minute by minute.
I am in a season of growth and stretching.
When God’s silence has rung loud in my ears.
I am tired and worn and was starting unravel.
I talked with a friend who encouraged me to take a walk so that I might hear from God.
I took the walk with less than low expectations and only heard one thing “Jammin.”
I felt a nudge to look up Jammin and England (where I was called to) and surprisingly came across a blog called “Jammin in the UK.” As far as I can tell the “Jammin” blog is all about being thankful.
I was quickly convicted that I have spent more time wondering and worrying than thanking.
I realize that I have make it a priority to proclaim why I am thankful. To remember all the very amazing ways that God has blessed me so.
Because even though I may not be hearing a lot from Him now, He has done so much for me.
He has:
Given me children.
Given me a nice home.
Given us food to eat and books to readJ
Comforted me when I was down.
Carried me when I thought I could go no farther.
The list goes on and on.
It is too much to blog about but I think I am going to write one for myself, and keep adding to it as He brings things to my mind.
And I am going to look at it often to remind me that “Thanksgiving” is not a just a holiday. For Christians it should be a way of life.
Even though things are hard that does not change the fact that God is good.
What are you thankful for?
Photo© robyelo357 – Fotolia.com
I Am Trusting God 