Around eight or nine years ago God told me to do something that I was not to jazzed about.
He wanted me to go up to a complete stranger and give away my last twenty dollars.
At the time my husband was going through his first bought of cancer. Because he was going through chemo he could not work.
I was working but only part time. So the twenty dollars was literally all I had, and I did not take too kindly to God asking me to give it away.
Money, however, was only part of the reason.
The other was the “going up and speaking to a complete stranger” part.
Wanting to blend into the scenery is my natural inclination. So when God told me to go and give a young mother twenty dollars, I was scared.
“What will she think of me?” I wondered. “What if other people see me and think me strange?” I wondered.
I wondered myself into ignoring God leading, Gods direction.
I walked out of the building that she was in. I was going home but the farther away I got, the harder it seemed to keep walking.
The whole while God was telling me “Get back there, and give her the twenty!”
Finally (though you make think me crazy) I must admit that it felt as if God himself had erected a solid brick wall in front of me. I literally felt as if there was no going forward until I did what God asked.
So I turned around and walked back the two blocks and entered the building. I remember saying to God, “Fine, I will do it. But please let her be standing alone.”
I entered the room she was in and she was indeed standing way off from anyone else.
It took a second, but I worked up the nerve and went over to her. “Hi, can I give you this?”
She looked at the money and shook her head.
I continued, “I know this may sound crazy but I am a Christian and God sent me here to give you this money, Will you please take it?”
She not only rejected my offer, she looked at me as if I was crazy.
I was so confused.
I was more than a little upset with God, as well.
“Why did you have me do that?” I questioned. “What was the point? Did you just want to make me look stupid?”
“No, I wanted you to do that because the next time I send someone to her, she might just listen.”
God brought that story to my mind today as I sought Him concerning England.
I am not sure why, other than to say that maybe in all of this, in all of the rejection I have faced while simply trying to do what I absolutely believe God had called me to do, maybe there is a reason that He is having me look foolish.
Maybe someone needed to see that following God, putting everything on the line for Him, and things not happening as you felt led to believe they would, maybe they needed to see that things could all fall apart around you, you could stand in a place where it appeared to the world that you have missed it, where you’re worst fears could appear to becoming a reality, and realize that you can survive it and that God is still in control.
Tomorrow, I will begin looking for a new place to live. Unfortunately unless a miracle happens overnight, it will not be in England.
Even though it may appear from the outside that I am not altogether loved by God (or else why would he have led me here) I have to believe that He loves me just as much as anyone else.
He is no respecter of persons and has a good plan for my life.
Just as He has for yours.
I have no idea how this will ultimately play out. But I do know that wherever happens, God is in control.
And that He alone will same sense of it all.
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