Every time I think I should have been born in the forties, so that I may have had a chance to dance with Astaire, or cuddle with Cary, or even shoot the writing bull with Hemingway, I remember that they did not have the technology that we have today. Yes Authors did have typewriters. But if they wanted to “cut and paste” they would have to bring out the scissors and glue. I remember that God made me exactly how I am and most importantly I am right where I need to be.
That helps when I take a look at my current crazy life. I think “if only I know exactly what my future holds,” or “if only I know exactly how I am going to manage getting ready for the move,” or “if only I know where the money is coming from.” Those dratted “if onlies!”
I have a long history with them. Our relationship started when I was young. The questions came like rain falling down upon my head night and day. “If only my dad was around.” and “If only I was popular like my siblings.” and “If only I was pretty like my friend.” And it continued to be my constant companion through my teenage years. “If only that boy liked me.” and “If only I wouldn’t of made that choice.” and “If only I had what they had.” Our friendship was cemented in my adult years “If only I could have more money.” and “If only I was skinny.” and “If only my husband wouldn’t of died and my kids had a father to embrace them the way that one does theirs.”
They say depth in relationships is a good thing but not where they are concerned. You see, I thought they were my closest ally but really they have been my biggest enemy. For all this time all the years when I was focusing inwardly on them, I was missing what was all around me.
Yes my dad wasn’t around me. But my mom was and she was great!! She baked cookies, talked with me, held down a full time job, made dinner from scratch every night, and even was my campfire leader. I have no idea where she found the time to do it all.
OK, so I was not as pretty as my friend, I was missing the fact that I had a friend that was my closest confidant for many, many years.
OK so I made some choices that I shouldn’t have. But I also made some great ones. Like choosing to walk down that church isle and give my life to Jesus at 9 and 1/2.
And finally, Yes it more than stinks that my husband died of cancer at 49. And yes it sometimes hurts to see fathers leading and guiding their children and embracing them when there are no physical father arms to embrace my own.
Although they are not all as close to God as I would like, looking back over these last 5 and 1/2 years I realize that He has always been close to them, leading and guiding them with an unseen hand.
And not only them but my as well. I have seen him do amazing things in my life and now to put the cherry on the top of it He is sending me to England, a place I have wanted to go to since I was a small child.
While I am wishing and hoping that it will all work out OK and that there are just way to many things that must come together in a very short time, and while I am reminding God of all those things and more, I am reminded by Him if I had everything figured out and no miracles were required then my move to England would not be much of a testimony.
So instead of wasting my days wishing and hoping for this or that. I am going to spend these last few months in America and look around me and enjoy everything as it unfolds and know that I am exactly where I need to be.
For I am in the center of His will.
And if you are following after Him so are you.
If Not why wait!