Why you need to hold on, without letting go

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Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds,

because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

(James 1:2-3)

 

Recently I was reminded of the night that my husband died. As I have mentioned before and in a nutshell, the story is they (the doctors) told me that Allan was dying a 6 p.m. and God told me to stay at the hospital until 6 a.m.  

Twice during that night I wanted to leave, twice God had someone tell me not to.

About 15 minutes to 6 unknown nurses came in and told me to leave,I left and God told me to “Get back in there” because it was almost six.  

Right before six I started to sing a song that was on my mind all night but I hadn’t been able to remember the words to.

This time I remembered all the words and as I sang the last word I saw Allan’s spirit leave his body.

I did not think that was possible.  But it was. 

God knew it was and He wanted me to see it.

If I would of left early I would of missed it,

God knew that,

So even though I was worn, and weary.

Even though I did not see the point of hanging in there, even though I just wanted to leave, go home, and collapse in a heap on my bed and just shut out the reality of what was happening, 

When the long hours of the night, seemed to almost close their hands around my neck and squeeze out my very last breath,

God whispered “Hang on for just a bit longer.” and he gave me the strength to do it.

That was the last time a major change happened in my life.

I am now in a “long night” again.

I am in a tunnel, with my old life on one end and my new life on another.

I am tired and weary but I hear God whisper, “hold on just a bit longer and you sill see something amazing.”

And so I will hold on.

Because I believe Him.

I trust Him.

And I love Him.

God has never let me down before.

Are you going through a hard season, where the night has lasted far to long?

Keep a hold of God and His promises to you.

And be encouraged, that dawn is coming, and it is going to be a beautiful thing to behold!

 

Photo© rcp15002 – Fotolia.com

 

 

 

 

Forgiveness (part two) or how God worked a miracle to get my husband to forgive before he died

 

Forgive

As I stated in part one (read it here) my daughter was attacked with a knife by an unknown assailant while she lay sleeping in her own bed, and yet decided to forgive her attacker. I did as well as I never wanted her attacker to take any more than he had already.

My husband Allan (her father) made it known that he would “never forgive” the person who had nearly took his daughters life.

I understood his angst about his daughter being hurt by a man who came in through a window after he left for work. He wanted to protect her.

Yet I also knew that Jesus said Matthew 6:14-15

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (NIV)

So I knew it was a big deal, though in the past had wondered how big a deal it was.

Not only had Allan decided to never forgive, but he had stopped going to church (when God just had him start).

Well one day, months later, my friend had me go to the woman’s Bible study at the church that my husband had been attending (not my own) and  then God led me to tell the pastor about what happened to my daughter (and we discussed forgiveness). When my husband got home told me that he was going to start going to church again.

Thank next Sunday he game home with tears in his eyes and stated “You told her about Megan didn’t you.” I asked “who?”

He then proceeded to tell me that the church he attends has two locations so each Sunday each one of the husband and wife pastor team will teach at one of the locations.

But this Sunday was different. One pastor was away so even though the Woman pastor was due to teach at the location that was not the one my husband went to, she ended up bring the sermon through a simulcast.

She taught about forgiveness and she used what happened to my daughter (and how I felt about it) as  an example.

I was floored.

Allan then said “I have to forgive don’t I?”

I answered, “Yes.”

Now I cannot remember if we prayed or he just nodded his head but I do know that 8 months after my daughter lay in the emergency room, my husband lay in the exact same emergency evaluation room that my daughter had been stitched up in.

The difference was that he never left that room to go home… four day later he was gone, cancer took his life.

Later as he lay there only hours from death, as we prayed over him, God very clearly spoke something to my spirit (when I wasn’t even thinking about it at all).

God said “Lisa you do not have to worry, Allan forgave so he has been forgiven.”

I never again doubted how seriously God took forgiveness…it is a huge deal to Him.

He did all that, manipulated all those circumstances, so that Allan would be able to forgive before his death and final judgment.

Do you hold unforgiveness against someone in your life? Give it to God, forgive and let it go. It is not as important as your soul!

 

Six years ago today I lost Him but gained this…

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It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.
– Lena Horne, Singer

When I saw that quote I started tearing up.

For no other reason than the fact that I realize that the grace that has been extended to me, is the reason the load that I was given six years ago did not break me.

Six and a half years ago things were great. I had been married eighteen years, had four kids, and for the first time in my life was really enjoying it.

My husband, who had spent most of our marriage hiding behind a wall, was finally coming out of his shell.

He had been saved when he found out that he had cancer, the first time, and as a result he allowed God to work in his life, becoming the husband and father that I always dreamed him to be.

The kids and I were thrilled.

But the cancer came back and took him from us.

Six years ago today,April 6th 2008, he left for his real home.

He was the strong one, we thought.

He was the glue.

I did not know how I would survive.

THEN

God graciously reminded me to give it all to Him.

So I rested in Jesus.

I gave everything, all that I had, all my worries, problems, and hurts to God.

I gave the load to him because I knew that I did not have the strength to carry it.

And what I found out was that, this is how we are supposed to carry the loads that have been given.

We are supposed to carry them to God and let go and trust God, because

He is the Glue.

He is the strong one!

The reason our heavy loads can’t break us is because we are not carrying them.

Has it been easy? Heck no!

But after all these years without my husband I am convinced more than ever that God is faithful to all those who trust in Him.

Do you have a load that is too big for you to carry?

Give it to God.

He is more than able to carry it for you!